Monday, April 7, 2008

The Fish Story

I gots me a story. It's bout a fish dat was dis big!... No, but it is about a fish. So'z, I walking in some(thorn infested)woods(in a skirt and heels) with Myself(Aka my friend Katie G-no really, I'm not a skitzo) after school today and we seez this tree with this other tree all wrapped around it-like. It looked alot like a really big snake coiling around the tree. So we(Myself and I) started talking about how a snake could have happened to be turned into a tree. (For some misdeed, perhaps?) And somehow it was established that the tree snake had started out as a fish. And so I am bored enough to present the story of the tree snake-or fish-or whatever.

Once upon a time there was a wood and through that wood flowed a river and in that river swam a fish. Of all the fish in the river, he was the quickest and the most graceful. He knew he could swim faster, longer than any of his fellows and his heart swelled with pride. He was often cold and unkind to the slower, clumsier fish. Was he not the fastest? Was he not the most graceful of all the fish in that river? Why should he consent to talk to these fish that were lesser than he? One day as he was doing his fish-business, something above the surface of the water caught his eye. It was a beautiful bird perched in a branch overhanging the river. What magnificent feathers it had! And listen to the beautiful song it sung! The fish knew if he could but be such a bird all the other creatures of the wood would envy him and his heart burned with jealousy. This jealousy poisoned his heart and he began to sicken.
Be grateful for what you have, the other fish told him. If you are greedy for things you cannot have you will meet a sorry end, they said. But the fish closed his ears to their wisdom.
Now, the wood through which ran a river in which swam a fish was very old and accordingly there lived there a fairy who acted as the Woodland Guardian. (For in the old days it was a matter of course to have a Woodland Guardian for every woodland.) She was very kind and when she saw the fish’s misery she anxious to do her duty. She turned the fish into the form of the bird he so desired.
I am more beautiful than all the other creatures in the wood, sang the-bird-who-was-once-a-fish. See how all the other birds envy me! As he flew through the forest trilling his song, he spied a pile of seeds and berries and other things good for birds to eat. Don’t go there, said the little sparrow, it’s dangerous. The bird ignored the sparrow. What did a drab little bird like that know that he, the most beautiful bird in the entire wood, did not? But when he fluttered down to the seeds and berries laid out on the forest floor; SNAP! A cage closed around him like the jaws of death.
Oh, I shall die, he moaned, fluttering his bright wings in fear. If only I was strong, like a snake, I should break this cage and slither away. The Guardian heard his cries of fear and came to him.
Did you not ask me to change you into a bird? She asked.
Yes, moaned the bird, but if you do not change me, I shall die! The Guardian was moved with pity for the foolish little bird and granted him his second request.
But no more will I grant you these favors; you must now be content with yourself, said the Guardian and then she was gone.
The snake-who-was-once-a-bird broke the cage with his strong body and slithered away into the forest. He came upon a warm stone by the river.
What a miserable life I have, he said, I slither around all day, eating dirt. If only I was a fish again, fast and graceful! I was the most wonderful fish ever to swim that river. Again, the Guardian heard the snake and she was angry at his ungratefulness.
Have I not granted you favor after favor? She demanded. Whatever you asked, I gave you. First I gave you speed as a fish, but you wanted beauty. This too I gave you. And when your foolishness landed you in danger, you asked me to give you strength to escape. This you also received. But no more, now I give you none of these things! Instead, I curse you to forever to be neither swift nor beautiful nor strong. The Guardian’s angry words frightened the snake and seeking to escape, he coiled around a tree. But as the Guardian spoke, her words rose in volume until with a great noise, the snake-who-was-once-a-bird-who-was-once-a-fish began to change. His scales turned brown and rough like the bark of the tree he hugged and the powerful muscles of his body turned hard. In a moment he was a coiled vine, wrapped forever around the trunk of the tree beside the river. There he stood as a reminder to *listen to sparrows and don’t be mean to the other fish.

*Just kidding. I'm not really sure how to end it without being nauseatingly cliche. Any suggestions?

** This is a lie. I will in all probability most likely never finish this story.
Such is the way of procrastinating ne'er-do-wells such as myself.